Tuesday, 23 May 2017
The disappearing slime
A boy named Pete went to a spooky shop called Junk n Stuff.Pete looked on all the shelfs and came upon a bottle of lime green slime. He looked at the label and it read The disappearing slime.Pete thought it was cool and bought it.when he was walking home he smelt something disgusting he looked to see what the smell was.The slime, it smelt like rotten feet!When he got home he couldn't wait to open the slime. His mom said that if he plays with the slime he must use a cutting board.Pete didn't listen.He went to his bedroom,and when he put the slime on his hand, the slime dripped through his fingers hit the floor and disappeared.
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Hello India,
ReplyDeleteWell done on completing your first challenge! I enjoyed your piece of writing - I hope you enjoyed writing it.
Just a hint - when you include the name of a product or a book etc. it is a good idea to put it in inverted commas and write each word with a capital letter e.g. 'The Disappearing Slime'. That sets it apart and makes it clear that it is the name of something.
Well done, India. I look forward to reading your next piece!
Mrs S.
I loved reading this India! I am sure the shop, Junk n Stuff, holds so many more interesting items that a story can be written about. I must say my favourite part of the story is the inclusion of a cutting board!
ReplyDeleteWell done, keep on writing!
Mrs Louw
Dear India
ReplyDeleteThat slime sounds amazing,I would want that slime.
From Mitchell